Abigail, Adrianna, Lilly & Kayla Patterson

I'm afraid my dreams shall hunt me forever little ones.  They are always different, yet always the same.  Atleast this time I got to hold you before you died.  And atleast his time they tried to save you.  I love you my beautiful girls. 

I dont know how I have made it 18 months without you girls, but I am here, walking through life, praying it leads back to you in the end.  I miss you so much & love you so deeply.  I was talking with your granfather a couple weeks ago and he told me everything happens for a reason.  I told him that I do not believe there is ever a reason for a mother to lose their child.  And I dont believe that there is a higher reason for it.  I was then told that I must or it will make me bitter.  Funny thing though, the only thing that makes me feel bitter is when people try to act like you didn't matter.  Like I should just move on and forget you all.  i hope that he, nor anyone else, belittles your life or disrespects my place as your mother anymore.  You are my children, my daughters, and just because they have been able to "move on" and place all of their focus on their other granddaughter, I am not the same.  I will always think of you, love you and miss you.  No matter how much time goes on or if we are able to have other children, other daughters.  You, my girls, are irreplaceable.
I wait for the day I hold you again.  But till then I will try to be the best mom to your brother, to you, and to any brother or sister we have the fortune to add to our family. 

I love you forever my little ones.

How very softly
you tiptoed into my world.
Almost silently;
Only a moment you stayed.
But what an imprint
Your footprints have left
On our hearts.
Dorothy Ferguson


"Dear Lord, I would have loved to have held my babies on my lap and tell them about you, but since I didn't get the chance, would you please hold them on your lap and tell them about me?"

I've loved my child right from the start,
A feeling that's filled my entire heart.
I went through the labor and suffered the pain,
... For many long hours with nothing to gain.
I've spent sleepless nights being awake,
Though it's been a while my arms they still ache.
I've sat and I've wondered of how she would grow,
The love of my family that she'd come to know.
The sound of her voice as she learns to talk,
Watching her steps as she tries to walk.
I have a child that I really love so,
I am her mother yet nobody knows.
I've spent all these months feeling her grow,
I've lived through it all and have nothing to show.
I don't get invited to chat with young mothers,
Because I don't have a baby like all the others.
I've got some stretch marks that I'd like to hide,
but I don't have a pram with a baby inside.
The people I've known for so many years,
They avoid me now, which adds to my tears.
I don't know how long I'll be feeling like this,
But one thing I know, my baby I miss.
When Mother's day comes it will be very hard,
I won't have any flowers, not even a card.
And just because she's not here with me,
I still have daughters I wish I could see.
But one thing I know and this is for sure,
I'll be their mother forevermore